A Farewell to Angels Read online

  A Farewell to Angels

  By Pepper Espinoza

  Published by JMS Books LLC

  Visit jms-books.com for more information.

  Copyright 2021 Pepper Espinoza

  ISBN 9781646567508

  Cover Design: Written Ink Designs | written-ink.com

  Image(s) used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.

  All rights reserved.

  WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

  No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

  This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It may contain sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which might be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Published in the United States of America.

  * * * *

  A Farewell to Angels

  By Pepper Espinoza

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 1

  “I’m just really scared,” Jade murmured, her words almost lost beneath the steady beat of the knife cutting through potatoes.

  “I know.” Rachel didn’t need to look at her friend to see the fear on her face. She hadn’t looked normal, or happy, since the news came that her husband, David, would be shipping out. She had married David knowing it would be a possibility, but that didn’t make the news bearable. That didn’t make it hurt less.

  “I just keep wondering what I’m going to do if he never comes home, you know?”

  “You shouldn’t think like that.” Rachel snapped her green beans without breaking the rhythm, but her mind wasn’t on the task. “It’s not going to do any good and it won’t happen.”

  “But what if it does?”

  “Then we’ll deal with it when it happens. But it still won’t do any good to worry about it now.”

  “I wish I knew how you could stay so calm. I know you’re worried about him, too.”

  That was an understatement. David had been her best friend since they were twelve, and she couldn’t imagine a life without him in it. They had thirteen years of memories between them, including things that they never even shared with their respective spouses. The thought of losing him wasn’t unlike the thought of cutting off her own hand, but she couldn’t very well say that. She didn’t have the right to turn the conversation into one about her fear and loss. Jade was his wife. She needed support.

  “Because I know that he’s a smart, capable guy. I know that he’d do anything to get back home to his family. I know that this is what he wants.”

  “He doesn’t want to die.”

  “But he does want to fight for his country. He’s always been that way.”

  “He’s romanticized the military. It’s not some great and noble duty…it’s horrible, bloody killing.”

  “I think he sees it as both,” Rachel pointed out. “Do you need help with those potatoes?”

  Jade shook her head. “No, I’ve got it under control. I think it’s the least I can do.”

  “Because I’m hosting the dinner?”

  “You’re doing more than that.” Jade wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “God, I am so sniffly today. I’m sorry.”

  Rachel dropped her green bean and crossed the kitchen. Jade didn’t resist when Rachel pulled her into an embrace. Her hair tickled Rachel’s jaw, and she was surprisingly warm and soft in her arms.

  “Don’t apologize. You have the right to be a bit sniffly. God knows, I’ve done my fair share of crying already.”

  “I don’t know how you’re going to put up with me. You’re probably going to kick me out after a week, and I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “I’m not going to kick you out. Ian might, though, if we don’t get this dinner taken care of.”

  Jade lifted her head and offered a watery smile. Her blue eyes, which were always charming, were even more endearing when swimming in tears, and the flush of her cheeks just added to her natural beauty. She was only three years younger than David, but sometimes, she seemed much younger than that. But on the other hand, there were times when she had seemed far too mature for her years. She’d pull herself together.

  “If you want, I can take care of dinner every night.”

  Rachel snorted. “We didn’t invite you to stay with us so we could turn you into a galley servant.”

  “I know. I know. It’s just…”

  “Hey! Ladies! You here?”

  Jade’s face lit up as soon as she heard David’s voice. Her tears were forgotten. The potatoes were forgotten. It wasn’t hard to see why David had fallen for her so hard, and so fast. Rachel couldn’t think of anybody more beautiful than Jade when she was happy.

  “We’re in the kitchen!”

  The words were barely out of Jade’s mouth when David burst through the door, all smile and long limbs. His hair had already been cropped short, which only served to accentuate his handsome features. When Rachel looked at him, she saw a strange doubling of the goofy kid she had known and the gorgeous man he had become.

  He swept Jade up in his arms, spinning around while she squealed and laughed with delight. The only thing that cut off the laughter was his mouth meeting hers in a hard kiss.

  “Hey, Rae, you better get out there. Ian says he needs some help,” David said.

  “Help? With what?”

  “I don’t know. Something with the boat.”

  Rachel didn’t know if Ian really needed her, or if David just wanted a few private moments with his wife, but either way, Rachel was happy to abandon her vegetables and head out to the garage. Ian was waiting for her at the truck, his dark head bent over the hitch. He was a man of many talents, but brute strength was not one of those.

  “Is it stuck?”

  “I think it must be.”

  Rachel smiled. “What about David?”

  He lifted his head and smiled, his glasses momentarily reflecting the yellow light. He wore a pair of thick frames—the ones he didn’t mind wearing when he went out fishing or hiking. The ones that she secretly loved, because he had been wearing them on the night they met, and she liked the way they magnified his blue eyes.

  “You’re cuter than David.”

  “You think so?”

  “A little bit. Stronger, too.”

  “I doubt I’m stronger. But I’ll give it my best shot.”

  She gripped the crank with both hands and gave it a hard push. For a moment, it refused to turn and she thought David really was the best one for the job. Until it gave a half an inch. And then another half. And then Ian whooped with triumph.

  “I knew you could do it.”

  “It’s only possible because of you.” She leaned over and kissed him softly. “You’re the wind beneath my wings.”

  “You’re such a sap,” Ian murmured, before returning the kiss. The caress deepened, their tongues touching off each other, sending warmth down her spine. She loved the way Ian kissed her. He didn’t look like somebody who could kiss. He looked like a giant dork. But Ian was good at everything he set his mind to, and kissing wasn’t an exception
.

  “Do that again, and I’m going to forget I’m trying to cook dinner.”

  She felt rather than saw Ian’s smile. “Is that going to be a problem?”

  “It is if you want to eat tonight.”

  “I am a bit hungry.”

  They both straightened and Ian freed the boat from the truck hitch. The hair on his tan skin momentarily distracted her. She had never thought she would see him quite that shade of brown. When they met, he had been absorbed with computers to the point that she didn’t think he spent any real time in the sunshine. That hadn’t really changed until David started inviting him on weekly outings.

  “It’s almost time for food.”

  He looked past her shoulder. “How’s Jade doing?”

  “About as well as you’d expect. David?”

  “He’s put on his brave face. Like he does.” Ian looked at the small boat with an undeniable sadness.

  “You don’t have to stop going out. We can go boating, if you want.”

  “What? Oh. I know. It’s just…”

  “Not the same?”

  “Yeah. I mean, every time I started to have fun today, I’d think about how we’re not going out again. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever again, and…”

  “And now you’re starting to sound like Jade.”

  Ian smirked. “With less tears, I hope.”

  “The night is still young.”

  “True.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “Do I have time to shower and make myself presentable?”

  “Can you do all your primping in less than thirty minutes?”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “Then yes, you have time to shower and make yourself presentable.”

  Ian stepped over the tongue separating them and wrapped his arm around her waist. “You sure you’re okay? It looks like you’ve put on your brave face, too.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure, Rae? Because this has been a rough day for everybody.”

  Even if she wasn’t fine, she knew that she couldn’t broadcast that fact to the world. Jade was looking to her to figure out how to act. David expected her to be strong. And Ian didn’t deserve to see her fall apart over another man, even if the other man was her closest friend. There would be time later to indulge herself in a small breakdown.

  “I’m sure. I just want to get everybody through the night.”

  “Let me know when you’re tired of being sure.” He kissed the top of her head. “I can take over the responsibility of getting everybody through the night.”

  “I’ll remember the offer. Come on, you. We better get inside or else you won’t have the chance to shower.”

  David and Jade were still huddled in the kitchen when Rachel returned, their foreheads touching, their voices in low murmurs. She didn’t interrupt them or try to draw their attention, but David looked up anyway.

  “Did he need help with the hitch?”

  “Yeah, a bit. Why didn’t you help?”

  “You know how hot and bothered he gets when you show off how strong you are.”

  “You’re a giver.”

  David winked at her before turning back to Jade. “I’m going to go get cleaned up. I expect to see you smiling when I get back.”

  “I will be.”

  She already was. Which was good to see, though it also reminded Rachel of the hole that’d be left in their lives when David left. Jade turned back to the potatoes and even began to hum a little. It lightened the atmosphere of the kitchen, and Rachel tried to focus on that instead of the seconds that ticked down, bringing them all closer and closer to a farewell nobody wanted to make.

  * * * *

  Breaking bread was an important aspect of every culture, and it was the ritual that tied their relationships together. Rachel and David had solidified their friendship over nightly dinners, when her mother was at work and his father couldn’t be bothered to come over for supper. They had taken care of each other, mingling what little money they had with what few skills they possessed to make something edible, something they could share. Rachel had met Ian in a café when there were no seats left and she was weak with hunger. He had offered to share his table, and then his dinner, and then a cab home. David and Ian had bonded over a rich dinner in an expensive restaurant—Rachel hadn’t been privy to what happened there, though whatever they had discussed had ended the pointless male posturing between them. David had introduced Rachel to Jade over nachos and beers in their favorite bar.

  Now they all sat around a small, square table to share one more meal. A meal Rachel had spent over two days preparing for. She had tried to include one or two dishes for everybody, though they had such eclectic tastes that it hadn’t been easy. Ian’s favorite clam chowder recipe. The chocolate truffle recipe Jade adored. The heavy lasagna recipe that David had confessed would always be his favorite, not because it was a great lasagna, but because it was something they had created together.

  Ian and David were both in better spirits than their respective wives. Or they were better about faking. Rachel’s money would be on the latter. The two men had started as rivals, but now were closer than she ever expected them to be. And Ian’s emotions were always close to the surface. Which meant if he was putting on a show for her benefit, the façade would probably crack sooner or later.

  The food was accompanied with free-flowing wine. There wasn’t technically room in the budget for fine wine, but what was she saving her money for? What was the point of having money if she couldn’t even use it on her friends and loved ones? Especially since all three of them would appreciate the extra expense and the difference between wine that was barely drinkable and wine that complimented her food. Even Jade, who hadn’t exactly been a oenophile when David met her, smiled with appreciation when she took her first sip.

  Rachel might have declared her dinner party a success. Except for its purpose. She didn’t want to be successful in saying goodbye to her best friend. Her best friend who would be leaving for Afghanistan in a little over fifteen hours.

  While David kept the conversation rolling, Rachel focused on committing the night to memory. Her first task was to go over the details of David’s body one more time, though she knew it almost as well as she knew her own. His dark brown eyes that looked like rich honey in the candlelight. His infectious smile that only faded with the most extreme provocation. The high planes of his face that pointed to his Italian ancestors. The graceful length of his fingers—fingers that could do anything from draw a rose to clean and reassemble a gun in under thirty seconds. The details of David’s body were even sharper when placed against the reality of the man she had fallen in love with.

  Ian had a shy smile when he was around other people. It flitted across his face like a skittish bird, and then went into hiding again. He owned contacts, but he often opted to hide his eyes behind glasses—though the frames had become thinner and inconspicuous over the years. His hands were also graceful, but in a different way. They could fly across a keyboard faster than Rachel could watch, and they could find the most sensitive areas of her skin, and they could sooth frightened animals and children. David had never outgrown that rough puppy phase. He was always ready to rough house. Ian was far more thoughtful. Even gentle.

  Rachel hadn’t missed the fact that she had chosen a man who did not remind her of David at all. She didn’t think either Ian or David missed that, either.

  It wasn’t like David hadn’t done the same thing. The woman he married had very little in common with Rachel. She was short while Rachel was tall. She had carefully groomed, flowing, blond hair, while Rachel preferred a pixie cut. Jade liked pink nail polish, and Rachel had never paid for a manicure. Jade was put together, and there was no other way to describe it. That was the defining characteristic of her life. Except when she was faced with the reality of being alone, separated from the man she adored. And then she and Rachel weren’t so different after all.

  Once everybody finished stuffing thems
elves with food, David stood up and began gathering dishes. Rachel jumped to her feet as well, but only to slap his hand away.

  “No, you’re not going to do that tonight.”

  “But I always help you clean up.”

  “You’re the guest of honor tonight.”

  David snorted. “Don’t be dumb. You and Jade cooked this, it’s only fair that I help you clean it up.”

  “You should relax with Ian and Jade.”

  “Rae. Please.”

  She knew that tone. It was one she didn’t want to argue with, because she could never win. David’s stubborn streak was so legendary, nobody had believed he would make it through basic training when he decided to join the Air Force. Taking orders was not something he did well.

  “Come on, Jade. We can pick out a movie while these two work,” Ian suggested.

  Jade looked around the table with a concerned frown. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

  “It’s fine. I’ll make David do all the work. It’ll be like old times.”

  Jade nodded, though she still looked concerned, and let Ian take her hand to lead her out of the dining room. David watched her with a slightly bemused smile—the same smile he wore every time he looked at his wife and he thought nobody was paying attention to him.

  “I hate to do this to her,” he finally said.

  Rachel began stacking the dirty plates. “I know.”

  “But I thought this was the right thing to do.”

  “I know. She knows that, too. When she married you, she knew what kind of man you were.”

  “Yeah. I guess so.”

  They worked in silence as they finished clearing the table, both knowing the steps of this dance well. Except, the dance was different now, and Rachel thought she wasn’t the only one who sensed that.

  She kept herself together until the kitchen door swished shut behind them, blocking the sounds of the television and any reminders that they weren’t alone in the house. Then the tears she didn’t dare acknowledge earlier sprang to her eyes. David noticed them. He always noticed when her heart hurt and her emotions threatened to overtake her.